THE TRUTH HURTS

Went to Eric's birthday pool-party show extravaganza! Although a small crowd, we were rocked and rolled with pool toys in tote.

It really made me happy to watch people do something with such pure joy, that is a lot of what is missing in the world these days.

Random DJ was there, we had it out on the phone again-seems to be a regular event since last weekend, but positive somehow. I think I have gone through all the stages, and cycled through them again, now they sort of cyclone around me, never knowing which one will hit next.

I had the strangest experience at the show; this guy who looked a lot like DJ was walking through the crowd, and I got that excited "is that him tingle" that you get when you see the person of your desire. I laughed,

I am still searching for you in the crowd even though you are right beside me.

Not sure what that one is about yet. Maybe it's because,

you're not your true self lately, which is a shame because he is so lovely.

But then again, we haven't been our true selves for quite sometime now have we?

I have been thinking a lot about truth, and living in your own truth. I have also been thinking a lot about expectations, mostly because of this amazing post on Nick's blog. I think that it is so important to just put it out there, without expectations, but because it is yours, and letting it out is better than letting it die. So, I am going to say something that I may not be ready to say, but here goes:

I love you. I love everything about you, all the great stuff, all the bad stuff, all of your faults and fears and inherent fucked-upness. I love it all, and I know where you stand, and I know something had to happen to break where we were headed. But I thought that you should know that.

That's it, that's my truth. And now all there is is time, and many questions about where it all will go. But Krista, the beautiful angel that she is, sent me this quote on the subject of questions:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

So that's where I'm at. Looks like I found some words.