THIS PARTICULAR TIME

I sent a message today that I really didn't want to send.
But I didn't want to for the wrong reasons.

There comes a time when you have to stop censoring yourself, intentionally and unintentionally. You have to start telling the truth, because it is doing no one any good to lie about it.

Especially you.

There comes a time when you have to put yourself first, even when it is not in your nature. Even when it makes you feel so guilty, in a really fucked up way.

There comes a time when you have to start working through your fucked-up-ness.

In a completely non co-dependent way.

On your own.

There comes a time when you know someone you love so much is bad for you, not a bad person, just bad for you because of something inside of you that you can't shake.

There comes a time when you choose you.
And it starts to feel good, little by little. (I hope)

There comes a time when an artist says exactly what you need to, and it is overwhelming.

That Particular Time

my foundation was rocked my tried and true way to deal was to vanish
my departures were old I stood in the room shaking in my boots
at that particular time love had challenged me to stay
at that particular moment I knew not run away again
that particular month I was ready to investigate with you
at that particular time

we thought a break would be good for four months we sat and vacillated
we thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding
at that particular time love encouraged me to wait
at that particular moment it helped me to be patient
that particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant

I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
and yet I wanted to save us high water or hell
and I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
and in the meantime I lost myself
in the meantime I lost myself
I'm sorry I lost myself.i am

you knew you needed more time time spent alone with no distraction
you felt you needed to fly solo and high to define what you wanted
at that particular love encouraged me to leave
at that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me
that particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left
at that particular time

Alanis Morissette