LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

Things are weird!

It is December 18th, 7 days, 1 week until Christmas and it's been like 10 degrees, sometimes 12 degrees outside for the past week. There is no snow.

Usually I am sooo excited for Christmas, but this year I just can't get into it. I think it has a lot to do with the weather.

I am excited to get the heck out of this city, I am going home to Halifax for a week and a half. I am going to scwish my Mom and Dad and sisters and their babies! I feel like I am drowning in this city sometimes. Home is a haven of sleep and warm food and peace. Just me with myself, not having to be anything to anyone.

I got an emotional drive by from the DJ on the weekend. An email, wanting to see me before the holidays. I didn't know what to say. I am not ready, yet I want to see him, it is a feeling I can't explain.

Some of the girls say he is looking for an in. Some sense of control.

Sarah, dealing with her own break up, was full of grace and forgiveness for her former love.

I am taking a page from her book. But the question is, how can you just forgive when your heart is not ready.

I need space, I need to get out.

I feel like somehow he won, by me letting him see me. Is it about winning and loosing though? Is it all just a game of who can look better? Or is it just constant game playing that never lets you move on with your life? Is it worth your mental stability and your graciousness towards others?

I don't want to get pulled back in.

I am moving on.