TICK TOCK THE GIRL GOES UP THE CLOCK

Since being back in the city, I had been suffering from a little bout of depression. It wasn't my usual home-sickness depression either, (that I get after my return from the holidays) it was different. I felt different. I was saying all the time how happy I was, how I was so excited about this upcoming trip through Europe and my new job and the play reading that is coming up, and I decided that I wanted to go back to school, that was the even bigger news. But it was like going through the motions of being happy.

On Tuesday I met with my dear friend and guru/mentor Manny. When I told him about school, his face went white. I knew instantly that this meant something. Manny is an extremely intuitive person, and when two intuitive people get together, there is no hiding what you really think from each other. He went into a long, and very concerned rant about how I need to stop, to savour the amazing moment in front of me, to prepare for an adventure of the unexpected, to live in the now. To put school plans aside, to worry about them after I return from overseas, because really, who knows where or who'll I'll be in six months. To be open to all that is happening to me right now, and will continue to happen to me. To savour. That is what I remember the most, the advice to savour the moment.

I was upset, I thought I had had it all figured out, and by it, I mean my whole life! But deep in my heart, I knew he was right. I was giving into the pressure of the ticking time bomb that seems to be going around my group of friends. Run to get married, run to figure out your career, and the pressure was getting to me. Not that these are not noble aspirations, and that my friends aren't ready for them. I just think that I personally worry about it too much. There is time. There is time to go to school, to switch careers if I choose, to have babies, to fall in love. And it all comes in the right time, you just have to make yourself available.

So, now I feel better. I am focusing on my play and on the preparations of leaving the country for six months. And today, I can say, I am really happy. For real this time.