ROAD TALES

Firstly, its September. Where the hell did the summer go. It has truly been a three month blur of getting on coaches, getting off coaches, drinking, meeting new people. Seeing fantastic places. Really, I have nothing to complain about. I'm tired, but still have a huge grin on my face. Some highlights from the last months.

1. Cryed for the first time in letting a tour go. I don't know what it was, but the group of people were just so incrediable, that it felt like taking around mates more than passengers. And I got to go to croatia, truly amazing, there was a bar with two pools in it, you could dance in the pool! This clearly was my dream and i took full advantage, eventually getting completely saturated and dropping my purse in there as well. whoops!

2. Did a Korean charter, such a lovely experience, made me miss my babies back home, as there were kids on the tour as well. And met one of the coolest drivers I now know, this crazy Kewi Marty, he took good care of me, too sweet. Had my very hazy birthday on this trip. what a night that was! OH boy.

3. I got to go to La Tomatina festival in Spain, the biggest tomatoe fight in the world! 50 000 people, you were not even moving yourself, you got moved. I almost died 3 times due to crushing crowds. And I took on 6 Spanish dudes, there is this tradition where the locals try to tear off your shirt before the fight. Well, these boys were not so playful, so, I did what any sensible girl would do, I kicked three of them in the balls and punched two of them. I didn't know I had it in me, but Im glad I do.


4. BOYS! There have been a flurry, good times and confusion and all of it wrapped up into a ball of what am I doing. I am trying to play it cool now, have some down time, but we all know that won't last too long. I went through a time of slipping back into old habits of loneliness and settling for something not up to par, but now I know better, thanks to of course my guru Manny. My energy was completely out of wack and I was not at all myself. And I hated it. Slowly but surley I will finally learn that lesson of putting me first. That just sounded so cheesy, but you know what I mean!

Currently I am on my first camping trip and it is amazing!!!! My group is too good. I will try to update more regularly as I feel like there may be some hilirious stories with this one!

THE AMAZON DOES EUROPE

Alright, alright. I warned you that it would be months until I wrote. So no apologies this time. I am sitting in a London flat belonging to my friend Holly, I have just finished one of the hardest and most rewarding experiences of my life. I have no idea what is going to come for me, but yet that all seems normal. It seems natural that I am to be here. Taking this job, moving my whole life was done on a whim, but also with the confidence that there was no other way. I am meant to be here, now.

The training trip was full of ups and downs and fantastic people that I can call some of my greatest friends. Living with complete strangers, going through strange cities in world-wind time, experiencing new food and culture and feelings in the pit of my stomach. Now, I sit and absorb for another week, only to go back out and do it all again, and again, with 45 more new people each time. I can only imagine the stories to come.

I am happy, I can say that. I spoke with both Andrew and Ana tonight, both still in Toronto, and although I miss home, I don't want to be there desperately. I need to be here, I need to live this story for a while. And what comes next I really don't know. Scary at times, but I have to remember that fate and faith will bring me through. Along with guts and determination, all of which I have acquired lately, who is this new woman, I don't know yet, but I do know she is feeling at home in my skin.

More updates to come my loves.

LOVE ON A DEADLINE, A NEW ROMANTIC COMEDY

I'm in love. I am in ridiculous, inconvenient love. The whole thing is very cinematic, as we will have to part ways when I leave the country in a month to go on the adventure of my life through Europe. I spent a long time trying desperately to keep the words in my mouth, but they just popped out on a street corner and went flying through the air to hit him SPLAT on the face. Which made him smile, a good sign. I have never loved anyone this fast before, but it seems that as soon as we made the decision to just hang out until I go, all of my walls came down. He is the final missing piece in a puzzle I have been trying to solve my whole life: how to not loose myself in love, how to stay true and real to who I am. This is invaluable. He tells me I have changed his life, that I have taught him how to life a positive and blessed exhistance, this makes me feel so honored; that my journey through personal pain would be able to inform someone elses. We are all teachers in this life at one time or another I guess. One month of bliss left.

The adventure is calling my name, I need to leave my home and I have a feeling I will not return to stay for sometime. I have never been so sure about something in my whole life. I am stressing over the preperations, but in general feeling great about it.

All I want to do is travel and write. What is this life I am leading? It feels a bit serreal at the moment. My play reading went extremely well in January and was such an amazing project. I literally floated out of my body as Richard Rose, Artistic Director of the Tarragon, and a powerhouse director of Canadian theatre, was telling me that he really liked my play, that I show great promise. It is so insane, and I am so greatful to the universe, and what I chose to call God for bringing me all of these opportunites.

Oh yeah, I've tottally turned into a spirtitual hippy in the last few months, bite me if you don't like it! Ha!

That's it for the update. I will be busy preparing for the next few weeks, but look here for the travel blog after April 14th!

love to you all! xo

TICK TOCK THE GIRL GOES UP THE CLOCK

Since being back in the city, I had been suffering from a little bout of depression. It wasn't my usual home-sickness depression either, (that I get after my return from the holidays) it was different. I felt different. I was saying all the time how happy I was, how I was so excited about this upcoming trip through Europe and my new job and the play reading that is coming up, and I decided that I wanted to go back to school, that was the even bigger news. But it was like going through the motions of being happy.

On Tuesday I met with my dear friend and guru/mentor Manny. When I told him about school, his face went white. I knew instantly that this meant something. Manny is an extremely intuitive person, and when two intuitive people get together, there is no hiding what you really think from each other. He went into a long, and very concerned rant about how I need to stop, to savour the amazing moment in front of me, to prepare for an adventure of the unexpected, to live in the now. To put school plans aside, to worry about them after I return from overseas, because really, who knows where or who'll I'll be in six months. To be open to all that is happening to me right now, and will continue to happen to me. To savour. That is what I remember the most, the advice to savour the moment.

I was upset, I thought I had had it all figured out, and by it, I mean my whole life! But deep in my heart, I knew he was right. I was giving into the pressure of the ticking time bomb that seems to be going around my group of friends. Run to get married, run to figure out your career, and the pressure was getting to me. Not that these are not noble aspirations, and that my friends aren't ready for them. I just think that I personally worry about it too much. There is time. There is time to go to school, to switch careers if I choose, to have babies, to fall in love. And it all comes in the right time, you just have to make yourself available.

So, now I feel better. I am focusing on my play and on the preparations of leaving the country for six months. And today, I can say, I am really happy. For real this time.

HOLIDAY LESSONS

Upon this season, I am contemplating what is really important to me, how I choose to use my energy and spread my love. In the past few months I have received so much that I have wanted for so long. My play is getting a staged reading at the end of January, and two weeks ago, I got offered a job that will take me travelling around Europe, and hopefully beyond. It was quite overwhelming when all this landed, I was spinning. That is a funny thing about us humans. We never really think that we can get what we want. We think that bad things will always happen. But really all it takes is a little faith, and anything is possible. Anything. I have been putting my energy and what some would call prayers, others just faith towards a few things that I really want in life, and thus far, it is working. I'm no guru, but there is something there to be had, the universe is full of possibility everyday, we just have to grab it.

On the other note, when it comes to people, we think we deserve to own them, we feel like if we have the honour of being with someone, involved with someone, that they belong to us. But really we only own ourselves, our own hearts, and only have control over where we choose to throw the power of that heart. This topic has come to a head with me this week. I am at home and here, I have a lover, but he is in a relationship, an open relationship, so it is all legal. This week I had a bout of jealousy towards the other "special" ladies in his life. This took me back a bit, because although I do adore him, it had never been on that level for me, I knew what I was entering into, but still the jealousy came. Which is natural I know, but still unnerving. As we discussed it, he brought up his belief that we always think we can own people, but really, we only have them for the time and the conditions that we do, so instead of worrying about when they will leave, or what you don't have, why not enjoy the amazing thing before you. Refreshing thought isn't it?

The real issue is, that he treats me how I have always wanted to be treated, he likes me for all that I am, and truth be told, that is addictive to me, as I have been starved for that from men in the past. Are we remembering my insecurities of not being good enough, BINGO! But the thing is, I have someone who will do that all the time, if I let her, ME. And that is the true lesson in all of this. My lover has reminded me that there are people out there that will see me and love me for everything that I have, but even if they all go, I should still be standing in my own corner. Always.

So, upon this the day before, the day before Christmas, I am going to resolve to love what I have, love what I am, and get excited for what is to come.

Happy Holidays everyone!

NOT AT HOME

Something has changed
Something has clicked
And I can never go back to how it was before.

Europe has changed me in ways I didn't think I could be changed in. I thought that this part of my spirit was dead, for good. The part that believes in magic. The part that knows there is someone out there to love. The part that loves adventure and takes a risk. The part that wants to be held, but can still hold her own. The part that will feed her own spirit at all costs, because that is the only way to live. The part that laughs at boredom.

All I can say is my trip was fantastic, and since being back for a little over a month, I have fought with a vengeance to return to the same old. I have in practice, but not in spirit. In body, but not in mind. I will return to Europe, soon. I feel the need to leave my home, for a while, maybe a long while. I don't want to discuss it too much until plans are finalized, as I'm not sure of the details yet. But I will be going.

Below, I am posting my facebook notes on how the trip went, for those interested.
Pictures to follow.


Europe!
So I know i said i would write notes, but frankly french keyboards are too hard to navigate! I spent 3 days in Paris, which were all amazing, i think i could seriously live in that city! Lovveeed it!!!! Then, I was off to Venice, a day early because i had train issues, anyway, it's been really fun. i don't love the city so much, it's really hard to get around, but pretty. However, my hostel, well, campsite is WICKET! And i met some VERY INTERESTING people, more on that story in person when i home. mahhhhhhaaa, i love to make an audience squirm! I have decided to for-go cinqo terra for this trip, i think i want more time to play in Florence and Rome, and to be honest, am getting to the lonely part of the Europe thing and would love to meet more people and hang in a bigger center. NEXT TIME! Alright, Internet time is up, i miss you all soooo much! xoxoxoxooxo

FLORENCE
So, I made it to Florence on, what the hell day is it anymore, ummm, Tuesday, yes Tuesday is when I arrived. I'm seriously loosing track of days and time and all of it, I hadn't had a watch until yesterday when I broke down and bought one because I was missing museum closing times in Venice, and needed to get on trains on time! Although I said I was going to skip the Cinqo Terra, I lied. On Wednesday I took a day trip up there, stopping in Pisa on the way. OK, I have to say that tower is NOT leaning as much as I thought, in artists renditions it is leaning way more, come on people I can't be alone on this one. So, after in hour in Pisa, because really, it's Pisa, I booked it up to the Cinqo Terra. For those of you that don't know, this is a National Park on the West Coast of Italy that is five little villages all attached by train and this awesome hiking trail through the mountains. It is unreal, so beautiful and the hike was hard, but gratifying. I really pushed myself and was able to meditate and reflect a lot on the hike, which was needed! I will post my many pictures when I am home. Then back into Florence for a nice evening. Today I went to the Duomo, and to see The David, I didn't think it would be that much of a big deal, oh it is! Genius, more than genius! I then went to watch the sunset at the Pizzae d'Michangelo, unreal, everything about Florence is unreal! I had the best meal tonight as well to top it all off, right across from my wicket hostel! I would love to stay longer in Florence, but it is off to Rome tomorrow! How great is it when those are your options, I feel so blessed right now! Till next time! xo

ROME
I am actually writing this from home, which is weird to say. The feeling of landing on Canadian soil was one I couldn't describe. Thinking of faces I haven't seen in a while made me beam with excitement, but thinking of ones I've left behind for who know's how long made me tear up. I burst into overwhelming tears with the first embrace of my best friend, Kevin, so much to tell and feel in that moment. They say it will change you, you won't believe them and then you realize, it has, in the little moments, in the little chipping aways of what you thought you were. And you realize, I can be anything I want, and do anything I want. And the world is huge and full of magic and possibility! And least that's what happened to me. Rome was two days of running around and seeing the sites, which were crazy. it's crazy to think that you are standing in the middle of the start of civilization. I didn't get to go in the Colosseum or see the Sistine as they were closed, big disappointments, but I got over it, I will go back someday I know. I threw one coin into the fountain, so I'm guaranteed right? Now, I'm here and planning the next one already!Thanks for reading and commenting everyone! Love to you! xo

AS DR. SUESS SAID . . .

I am brimming with excitement.

I am cheerful with anticipation.

I am planning and scheming and over joyed with possibility.

I am going on a trip, one I have wanted to take for sometime now. In the first week of September, I will fly over sees to France and Italy. I think it has been three years now that I have wanted to do this, and now with the money and time all coming together, I finally get to go! I can't tell you how excited I am. Europe has always been one of those places that has called to me, and I know a lot of people say that, but I truly believe that if a place calls to you, you must go there. I did it with Toronto, and never have regretted it.

I'm starting with the big stuff: Paris, Rome, Venice, Florence.

And then who knows?

This will be the start of an addiction, I can feel it.

There are worse things.