ROUND TWO

Alright, alright, I am getting back on the horse, well, really I have always been on, just had to grip into the stirrups a bit more.

So, interesting facts of the week:

1. Teacher guy has now evolved to dirty teacher guy as our online relationship over MSN went into the world of dirty MSNing, hot I gotta admit. We are supposed to have a date on Thursday, we'll see where it goes.
2. Another online boy asked me out, after a few email exchanges, coffee is being worked out for this upcoming week, we'll call him computer boy.
3. A boy, now called music boy, I met then chatted with for an 8 hour period, all good chemistry, as much as cyber space can offer, is now ignoring me-What gives?

Overall I am feeling less of the crazy, which is good. I still have my moments, but I just have to remind myself that it's ok, you can't let it make you crazy, it has nothing to do with your value as a person. This is like an exercise in self-esteem, like one of those books that were popular in the late 90's to help teens deal with low self-esteem caused by grunge music.
I did wake up one morning this week and realized that I was a) putting a lot of unnecessary stress on myself to get a man, when I don't even know if I want a serious relationship and b) putting a lot of unnecessary expectations on people I don' t even know.

I've reached a place where I can think of men as a side project, because I have many other important things to work on like my career and my fitness goals and my writing. It feels refreshing to think this way, after years of only focusing on men, and one man imparticular.

I do have my moments though, it's not all sunshine, and non-crazy, but I just gotta hold on tight to the saddle and ride my own trail.

DING DING!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Remember that time I went crazy because I haven't really ever dated in my entire life? That was the past two weeks. I am a serial monogamist, always have been. Now I'm not one of those girls that jumps from relationship to relationship, I take time out in between, but have never done the casual date or casual sex thing. Well, starting this fall I started the casual sex thing, so dating couldn't have been far off.

I have learned why women are crazy: dating. Dating makes everyone crazy. Or maybe it's just me.

Story number one: The first time I'm back up to bat, I meet the ever so popular-I'm going to seem like a great, funny, cute normal guy, but really I'm a huge misogynistic woman-hater DICK guy. This guy really hurt my feelings, as he made it quite clear that I wasn't pretty enough to date him. The direct line was "thanks for the pictures, good luck in your search"

Harsh. Now, I know as well as the next person that pysical attraction is important, but there is a way to tell someone you are not attracted to them, like saying that perhaps "I'm not that attracted to you" and perhaps not over MSN, perhaps be a man and call or even, just this time, I would accept the awkward email. You don't owe me anymore than that really, we didn't even meet, we talked online and the phone. But as a human being, you owe me a little, I don't know POLITENESS! So, I was pretty shaken, then angry when I read his charming new profile in which he described how crazy women always loved him, but he wasn't complaining because they're always beautiful and the sex is great. WHAT? All I have to say is, stupid is as stupid does. Don't complain if you're brining it on yourself asshole.

So, since then I have been completely irrational, assuming things about these men I don't even know, and just freaking out in general. I guess it shook me more than I thought, it was just mean, plain and simple. So this week I'm back on the horse, and am trying to calm down a bit, and remind myself that I did this because it would be fun, and that I'm not one of those people that need someone to be fulfilled, that boys are just nice to have around sometimes, and can be loving amazing parts of my life, but are not a necessity of it.


Next round, hopefully I'll have stronger armor, but perhaps won't need it.